Achievement

It’s awesome to know that things are finally starting to fall into place.

Growth is so freakin’ awesome!

The X and I spoke over the phone this evening. He has allowed me to have RJ from Friday night to Sunday night. An entire weekend. I have him all to myself. It’s a bit of a challenge to take on the responsibility of an eleven year old, I totally get that, but I’m ready for it. Bring. It. On. After all, he’s my son. How bad could it be? (oh dear. did I really just say that?)

I have finally caught up on my student loans. I was behind for sooo long, I felt like there was no end. Received the notice today saying, “zero balance due…until such and such date”. When I looked at the payoff amount, I smiled knowing I’d paid off $3,000 of it. I hope the next few don’t take forever. <sigh>

Good news about my back. After four days of unbelievable pain, it’s much less than it was. I walked around a lot at work today, so I think maybe that helped a bit. Right now it’s not hurting to sit. I can turn my body around (as to crack my back) without screaming for help in turning back around.

I have an ex that I’m missing. It’s not good, I know, and I’d never actually call him and tell him, but I do think about it. I think about how immature we were all those years ago, and how different we both were today.

I have the greatest roommate in the whole world. Even though she told me I wasn’t allowed to decorate crazily for Halloween.

Until next time, folks.

Surprise, surprise

Two surprise phone calls in one week. Awesome.

Sunday: Mom calls and says, “Robert and I are going to the November race in Phoenix. We are driving and can pick you up on the way. We’ll pay for your ticket. Happy Birthday!”

Tuesday: The X calls and says, “RJ wants to see you this weekend. You can have him all day Saturday if you want.”

To go and see a Cup race, somewhere other than my home track? YOU BET! And you can guarantee I’ll take LOTS and LOTS of pictures. It’ll be a four day weekend full of sightseeing and two NASCAR races. Awesome.

Unfortunately, due to lack of funds, I had to discontinue the supervised visitations with RJ. It became too expensive to pay someone to see him for two hours, plus the gas to drive the 2hr trip, and now that my car has been acting funny (i.e.. smoking), I’m a bit weary of driving it up/down that kind of hill in this 100*+ heat. It’s just not good for me right now. And surprisingly, The X understands. At least he says he does. So, he’s allowed me to take Ryan for the day. No supervisors, no expensive payments, no “you can’t say this” or “you can’t talk about that”. No. Just the two of us. And maybe some ice cream.

Here’s to growing up a bit. And the progress of trust.   :-)

Movie Review: Drive

Oh, brother. I dislike Ryan Gosling more now than I did before. This was the stupidest movie ever. Even more stupid than Drop Dead Fred or Howard the Duck. Ugh.

I had heard it was going to be like Transporter. I never saw that stream of movies, but was willing to give this a shot. I wish it had been like Transporter. But it wasn’t.

The dialogue was very slow. Hardly anyone talked. One of the bad guys, Ron Perlman (you probably know him best as “Clay” on Sons of Anarchy), was one of the only characters to do any talking. And when he did, it was nothing but foul language and crude remarks that spewed from his mouth.

The violence was beyond what any one person should have to tolerate. Ryan Gosling beat up a guy in an elevator, and instead of letting our minds wander as to exactly how bad the beating was, we had to actually see it. Watching him smash a guys head to little bits with his foot, was not what I paid $12 to see. Every time someone was stabbed, shot, sliced, or diced, we had to watch it happen. There was no warning. There was no “watch out. turn your head if you’re squeamish. there’s about to be a lot of blood shed right now.” No. None of that.

Since there was very little talking during the movie, there was a lot of silence in the theater. You could hear the thoughts coming from other people’s minds that were sitting in the theater. Their body language proved tt was a conjoined agreement that this movie was a total waste of 2hrs of our time.

While I’m beyond grateful that I was treated to an evening out, I’m disappointed it had to be under such gruesome circumstances. I promise “Reel Steel” won’t be that bad.

Oooouuuch.

If I tell my back pain the same thing I tell boyfriends, will it run away too?

Dear back pain,
I love you.
-val

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Back pain. Again.

Back in February, I hurt my back. I never figured out what caused it, and after about three or four days, the pain was completely gone. Those exercises Squid told me about actually helped quite a bit. I might go so far as to say it helped the pain go away faster. Without those painful exercises, perhaps the pain would have lasted longer than it did. Maybe.

It’s been seven months, and the pain is back. Un-freakin’-believable. I wish I had some great story about how I threw it out swinging from the ceiling fan in my room during an exciting sexcapade. Or a terrible movie stunt gone wrong. But I don’t. It’s simply nothing more than a wrong sleeping position. I think.

I went on a movie date last night (oh, I can’t wait to review that movie), and sitting in the theatre seats was not fun. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat throughout the whole movie. Getting up for work this morning was difficult. The stabbing pain was controlling my every move. The trainers tried to help me in every way they could. Boss#2 provided me with some patches to put over the area that was painful, but I think she went a bit out of control when I showed her where it hurt. I had ELEVEN patches on my lower back. And there was no relief from any of those patches. :-(

I was desperate for some relief, so a close friend provided me with a little pill. I took it about an hour ago. So far, I’m having hot flashes, and a little bit of a lightheadedness. No pain relief yet.

Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

Growing up, we always had a fish tank. The sounds were soothing and seem to put me into a relaxation mode only brought on by running water. (Waterfalls do the same? yes. Running sinks and toilets? Not so much.)

When The X and I moved into our first place, one of the first things we had to do was get a fish tank. It was the smallest of the small, but it didn’t matter. I just needed the relaxation.

When RJ was born, I requested we get a larger fish tank. I knew I was about to undergo a huge life changing event, and having a little bit more of something that helped me relax, was never a bad idea. So larger we went.

When The X and I moved from Texas to California, a fish tank was not something we were going to attempt to bring along. Dad had a big 100-gallon tank, and was more than happy to give it to us. Anything to keep his oldest daughter relaxed and not crabby.

It’s been seven years since I’ve been the owner of a fish tank. Seven long years. I don’t have one in this town to visit. I don’t have friends that have them in their house. And I’m not even sure RM#1 would even allow me to entertain the idea of having one in our house. But eventually, I’ll own another one. It’s just who I am. And maybe it’ll be a really cool one. One built into a divider wall. Or built into my bathroom sink or living room coffee table. Who knows? Just maybe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For my seeeeeester

Just a few cute pictures I found. LZ loves elephants, so this post is for her…

 

 

 

 

Movies to see…

I think I’m going to be looking for a movie date, cause I’m interested in seeing these two:

 

It’s Prep Time

Remember when I did this post about the baby raven? Then I did this post about 10 days later to show his difference in growth.

Today, it was back. Prepping for a job…

It had to fly in and land on the bench next to RM#1 (she played the talent for prep). First try: Success!

Then it had to stay there for a few seconds - without picking at the strings on RM#1’s shirt OR her hair. First try: Picked at strings AND hair. Second try: Success!

Then he wanted it to fly back to him. First try: Success!

This prep stuff is a breeze. The trust I saw between the two of them, was amazing. A friendship I never thought I’d see. A man and his bird.

Every time it successfully did something, it would get “paid”. Yay for food.

And it’s only SEVEN months old.

Our newest Travelers Insurance commercial

Everyone knows the company I work for supplies the dog for the Travelers Insurance commercials. Our trainers shot a few more up in San Francisco last month. I was housesitting for one of those trainers at that time. :-D

Anyway, one of the ones we shot is out. So here they are, in order.

The commercial that started it all…

Then there was this one…

Then we saw this…

And now we see this one…

There are a few more to come ya’ll.

Dancing With the Stars - Week 1

Hi Everyone! Welcome back to my review of Dancing With the Stars. I’m so glad you joined me. Now, lets get started…

RM#1 is watching for the first time ever. In 13 seasons, you’d think she would have watched prior to last night. Nope. Not even once. Two specific people caught her attention this time, so congrats to the people at Dancing With the Stars for gaining another viewer.

Ron Artest - Oh my. Why do I have to start with him? He wasn’t my favorite, but that’s okay. He moved a bit like a building. He’s awkwardly tall anyway, so the hopes of him moving around like a graceful male swan is unlikely. I’m a bit shocked that he was hoping for TENS from the judges. I hope he meant ten total. I thought the 14 he got was too generous. All that aside, I was touched that the only reason he decided to do DWTS was because his daughter asked him to. Cute. Just plain cute.

Rob Kardashian - I have a low opinion of him thus far, but it’s early. There’s lots more time for him to disappoint. He had simple moves that were very robotic, most likely because his rehearsal time was less than anyone else’s. Whatever.

Kristin Cavallari - I expected better from her. I guess the expectations set by Audrina last season were too great. Oh well. I see LOTS of room for improvement, so no worries. she’ll be fine. Especially with a partner like Mark.

Chynna Phillips - She has natural grace. Of course she does. She looked so elegant as she floated like a cloud across the dance floor.

Nancy Grace - She did good. Better than I thought she would, to be honest. I still don’t watch her show know much about her, but she has a lot of heart and genuinely WANTS to go out there and try. I hope she succeeds.

David Arquette - Wow. He did awesome. I’ve heard some of the trainers tell stories about this guy, so my opinion of him is clouded by that. As the weeks go on, I promise to try my hardest to keep that out of my mind while giving my opinion.

Elisabetta Canalis - She sucked! Now I know why George Clooney dumped her. Can’t have a satisfying sexual relationship if one of the people doesn’t have rhythm. Oh well. Hmm.

Hope Solo - One of my favorites!!! RM#1’s ex boyfriend (former RM#2) is watching this season just because of Hope. Another score for DWTS people. Another viewer added this season.

Carson Kressley - I kind of felt like he was all over the place. It wasn’t bad, don’t get me wrong. I just felt like it was sloppy. I hope he improves.

J.R. Martinez - Another of my favorites! Nearly flawless. Nice moves. His fit physique makes his moves more attractive.

Rikki Lake - She did good. To be perfectly honest, I expected her to be better. Okay, wait. Actually, I expected the DANCE to be better. It isn’t Rikki’s fault the dance didn’t compliment the way she can move. Maybe next week, Rikki.

Chaz Bono - THE BEST OF THE NIGHT! And my most favorite. Not taking into consideration everything I already know about him and his past, I whole heartedly want him to succeed on this show. The Quickstep next week might prove to be very difficult for him, his knees, and his chubby feet, but we’ll see. I wish him the best.

Oh, and bye-bye Ron!

As always, please remember that these are my opinions. If you don’t agree with them, that’s okay. Please don’t leave me nasty comments. I’m always up for a good debate, but no need to be nasty.

Halloween already?

Halloween is next month. This is my least favorite day of the entire year. I’ve written about it in past years here, and here. I think it’s just plain stupid.

But….right now, I have a sudden urge to decorate my house for Halloween. I want to hang orange lights outside. I want to put tombstones in my front yard and write funny things on them about people only me and my family/friends will understand. I want to carve pumpkins. I want to line my walkway with cool little lights. I want to put a scary headless skeleton man on the bench by my front door. I want to go to the pumpkin patch and pick out pumpkins. I want to spread fake webbing all over the front of my doorway.

I want to decorate my mantle with lots of Halloweeny things.

I want to paint a few pumpkins like this.

I want to hang skeletons from my roof.

And I want to paint my nails in crazy Halloween designs.

 

I don’t know what has caused this sudden interest in Halloween, but I’m sure it’ll pass long before the actual day arrives. And if it doesn’t, RM#1 is going to be sorry she allowed me to decorate. :-)

Things

RM#1 has OCD. Our kitchen sink faucet must be aligned straight with the center of the sink. At.All.Times.See…

 

 

 

 

Sunday morning, after waking up next to the sexiest man in my life right now, I decided I wanted to have Sunday Brunch at my favorite mexican restaurant. I sat there alone, and enjoyed my Peach Margarita and cheered on the mariachi band that was playing. Happiness is…

 

 

 

This is the picture I showed to the lady that was doing my nails. I had to go on a day my normal girl wasn’t there. This was a mistake. Telling this person “lower case m in white. you know, like an m&m.” proved to be much harder than I ever thought it would be.

 

Here what I got…

O.M.G. What part of THIS looks like the picture I showed her? The colors are fine, but the “m’s”? Oh, brother. I was so annoyed, that I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I did not tip her. In fact, I reluctantly paid her the actual amount I owed. Ugh.

 

Found this fellow. I do not know where he went when I drove away. :-/

No trip to the doctor for me, thankyouverymuch

For over 15 years I've been in and out of so many different therapists and psychiatrists offices for one problem after another I'd been working on, that when it comes time to go to see a medical doctor, I tend to avoid it.

Over the last three or four years, there have been several things I’ve noticed about myself that are…different. LZ says I should go to the doc and have them checked out, but I always blow her off. A constant eight month cough, a lump, a pain in the kidney area of my back, etc., etc., etc. The list goes on of things I have questions about. But….Do I really want to know it’s some sort of a chest infection? Do I really want to know it’s breast cancer? Do I really want to know it’s a kidney problem? No. I don’t. If I’m going to die from something, just please let me go. I can not afford to take time off for surgeries. I can not afford to spend endless amounts of money on prescriptions or treatments that might work.

Don’t get me wrong, if I was to break a bone, develop a bladder infection so painful I couldn’t pee, or even suddenly started losing hair one clump at a time, I would totally be knocking down the office doors of my doctor. But until such time, I’ll continue to wonder what might happen. And then maybe blog about it. :-)

Things that make you go ‘Hmm’

What.Is.This? I’m not sure this will catch on here in Los Angeles. How about where you are?

Veasyble fashion accessories transform into beautiful shells of isolation that allow you to escape from the world for a couple of minutes.

 

 

 

 

I wonder…

• what was so appealing about my dad that drew my mother in.
• why twitter is so popular.
• how long it takes to heal a broken heart.
• if she'll ever go away.
• if he still thinks about me.
• why i can't go to sleep before 2am.
• if one child is truly enough.
• how long it’ll be until the cancer takes her from us.

Lady Gaga

I caught a television interview she was doing with fashion designer Jean Paul Gaultier tonight, and I just have one word.

Wow!

I may not like her music style, but she’s an amazing woman. Her fashion sense is nothing if not bizarre, and her attitude about life, is refreshing. Her desire to succeed is inspiring. Her encouragement of originality is comforting to those of us that might otherwise questions our desire to stand out. And her confidence and self satisfaction radiates from her like a glowing neon sign.

She may not be my cup of tea, but there’s definitely a few things I could learn from her.

I’m addicted

…to pink.

If I had a trailer of my own, I would decorate it in pink. And I would have tea parties.

 

If I have a daughter, I will paint her room pink, and decorate it very girly.

 

I would like to have a pair of these. They’re cute. And would totally look great on me.

 

Every time I get my nails done, I have them painted the same pink color. Next time, I think I might opt for something a little different.

 

This makes me miss school supply shopping.

 

I remember how much fun roller skating was. If I had friends that would roller skate with me today, I would totally buy a pink pair of skates.

 

*pictures courtesy of pinterest.

The Story

July of 2005 was supposed to be the happiest month of my life thus far. It was supposed to be filled with summer swimming, warm nights in the park, fun in the sun, sleeping in late, and my son’s fifth birthday.

Here’s the cute birthday invitations I made up…

We were going to have a big party at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Friends and family were all invited to celebrate him turning the big F.I.V.E.!

A few days ago, I talked about my laptop being sick. I ended up having to replace the hard drive. (Yay for bigger and faster.) While going through some very old files on an old disc I found, I accidentally stumbled upon something I’m sure I was never meant to see. It’s a story, written by my oldest stepdaughter, of the tragic events that led to the removal of me from our home, just days before my son’s birthday. It was the story of a scared mom, who robbed the innocence of a five year old boy, and two teenage girls.

I saved the Word document on my desktop. It’s been two days, and I’ve opened it and read it about 30 times, and every time I do, I’m caught wiping the tears before I can get to page two. Reading the heart wrenching details, as seen through the eyes of a then 14 year old teenage girl, makes reading it even harder. I try to read it as if I’m a third party, but when the words become actions, a cold chill runs through my body and I feel as if I’m standing in a corner of the room watching everything unfold. And let me tell you, that seeing the pain and extreme fear in the eyes of the children you’re supposed to be protecting, is the worst feeling that could be placed upon me. All the days/nights/weeks/months spent in a jail cell, crying to get out, don’t even come close to the sadness I feel when I see the uneasiness in my son’s eyes today, six years later.

There are a lot of things about that day that I’ve been able to come to terms with. I was given the chance to apologize to The X last year, and although I’m not certain he took it as such, I have been able to let that part go. I feel I did what I could to show I was sorry. Being able to sit down and apologize to his two daughters is not something that will probably ever happen. They don’t want anything to do with me, and I honestly can’t say I blame them. I’m totally okay with it. I just wish they knew how different I am today. I just wish they knew how sorry I was for what I did and what I caused them to go through.

And on that note, I will say…Change can be an amazing thing. It allows people to start over and become the person they WANT to be, not the person they were raised to be.