I didn’t change, my priorities did

Marriage:
any of the diverse forms of interpersonal union established in various parts of the world to form a familial bond that is recognized legally, religiously, or socially, granting the participating partners mutual conjugal rights and responsibilities.

Marriage. Something that has scared the crap out of me from the moment I realized my last one was over.

I wasn’t the perfect wife. In fact, I was the exact opposite. I didn’t take care of our house. It was often a mess of papers and overflowing trashcans. I didn’t cook. We ate out a lot or The X would make some sort of meat and noodle mixture he thought would save us from starvation. It did. A few times.

When my marriage ended, I knew for sure it wasn’t something I was going to do again. I wasn’t any good at it, and didn’t really feel like putting any effort into fixing it. When I met Jeffy and found out we could never get married because I wasn’t Jewish, I still didn’t worry about it. Put it all on the back burner, and continued living life as I always have.

Then I met my former RM#1. She was amazing. She cleaned the house every single day. She cooked dinner every single day. Things were always so perfect in her life because she put the effort into making them perfect. And I can say all this with certainty, because I was there to see it. Every day.

Congrats on RM#1’s wedding, by the way. They just got married in Africa. Perfect for them.

When I moved in with SS last month, I made a promise to myself not to be that same horrible wife I was to The X. I made a promise that I would make a conscious effort to be perfect. And it shows. SS and I are nowhere near ready to even begin talking about marriage, but it is nice to know that option is on the table now. All because I gave up that stupid bad girl attitude and realized my future would be grim if I didn’t get shit figured out. And he’s totally worth it. Especially when I come into the living room and see this….

Subaru drivers

Have you seen this new Subaru commercial?

 

You recognize the driver, right? He was the culprit behind this not too long ago….

And the dog in the passenger seat? Yeah, you know her as Stevie!

 

These commercials are the work of RM#1.  :-)     Click HERE to see all five new commercials and let me know what you think.

Letter to…

I was driving around at lunch today, and Garth Brooks’ song “If Tomorrow Never Comes” came on the radio. I’m not a Garth fan. Never have been. Never will be. I always change the channel when he comes on, but this time, I listened. And then I started to cry.

What if I never got to tell RM#1 how much I love the way she makes our house smell? What if our trash man never knew I hated the way he leaves our trash cans?

Dear RM#1: Your need to have the house smelling good ALL THE TIME, makes me happy. It’s always nice when I walk in and it doesn’t smell like eleven dogs and two cats live there. You’re amazing!

Dear Sis: Have fun in Arizona this weekend. Don’t worry about your dog or your kitties. I’ll take great care of them.

Dear Squid: I’m getting anxious about the Fontana NASCAR race in March. I’m going to cheer so loud for KB and MK, that people around us will hate us. And be happy because we got another person to go with us!   ;-)

Dear RJ: I wish you’d come around more. SS and I do some really fun things. I wish you wanted to participate, instead of sitting at your dads house playing computer games all the time.

Dear SS: I love that we don’t fight. I love that we don’t even argue. I can’t count the number of people that would be shocked about this. Perhaps maturity does go a long way. I suppose the fact that you’re not an asshole to me, you pay attention and make my needs important too, and you communicate well, helps. I love you and can’t wait to move in with you.

Dear Jeffy: Remember when we had that conversation about six years ago, and we agreed that we’d never let anyone come between us even if we broke up? I hate that you lied. I hate that I can’t call you and talk about cars. I hate that I can’t call you and talk about racing. I hate that I can’t call you to ask for advice on something that’s been driving me nuts for weeks. And I hate that I can’t housesit for you when you’re out of town (just to get away from MY house).

Dear Stupid Drivers: Why do you cause a traffic jam by slowing down when you approach an incline in the road? Downshift your car and GOOOO! It’ll work, I promise. Cars are awesome like that. And even if your car is an automatic, it’ll downshift for you. FIGURE IT OUT!!

Dear Temp that covered for me the three weeks I was out: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough from me for today. Enjoy your weekend!

From Los Angeles to Africa. And back

Hi Y'all! Happy Huuump Daaay!

Remember back in September when RM#1 went to Africa to shoot a commercial? Well, here's some behind the scenes stuff. Keep watching it though, the commercial is at the end. 

I'm pretty sure you'll know which one is RM#1, but just in case you don't, she's the one working the dog!

Enjoy! :-)

Letter to…

Happy Hump Day, Y’all!  :-)

Today I decided I would write to individual people. Some won’t see it, but some will.

Dear Sis: You ran a half marathon. HALF MARATHON! Do you realize what I just said? M-A-R-A-T-H-O-N. 13.1 miles. That’s 13 miles more than I ran that day. I’m so proud of you. Your will to push through all the pain, inspires me. Next year, we’re running it together. I can’t wait.

Dear RM#1: I understand your OCD and constant need to have everything perfect and clean, but just once I’d like to leave a dish in the sink and not have you wash it before me. ;-)

Dear RM#2: I’m anxious for you to come back. When I heard you were coming back this month (two months early!!), I was shocked, yet happy. There are some manly things around the house that need to be done. Hurry home!

Dear Mom: I’m anxious and excited for your visit this month, but I wish you weren’t staying at the hotel across the street from Jeffy’s house.

Dear Squid: Get your shit together. Stop getting speeding tickets. It’s cutting into your extra spending for NASCAR races and Stagecoach.

Dear Boss#2: If you don’t stop losing your credit cards, I’m going to lose my mind. I can’t keep covering for you with Boss#1. Oh, and thanks for the surprise $100 bill. HELPFUL!

Dear Jeffy: I still think about you. A lot. When certain songs come on the radio, I’m forced to change the channel simply because I refuse to break down and cry for you anymore. And when David at work asks about you, he acknowledges the pain in my face. It’s a side of David you’d never believe existed. But it does.

Dear RJ: I wish you’d let ME teach you to drive. I’m a much better driver than your dad.

Dear Mitch: Whatever happens, happens. Be a man in either situation. Allow her to just be her, but don’t let her take advantage of you. Don’t push (unless it’s from behind). Don’t make her sad, but allow her to cry if she is.

Dear Stepdad: You better kick this Cancer bullshit. I won’t tolerate you letting Cancer beat you.

Dear Kyle Busch: It’s been a rough Chase, I get it, but keep your head up and take on Phoenix and Richmond like never before. It’s a big year for you. You’ve shown an incredible amount of restraint in a few situations that I’m aware of. I’ve done almost everything I can to recruit new KB fans. I’m still working on a few. #KBShow

Dear Matt Kenseth: Please beat Jimmie Johnson.

 

Just a few

These are all the dogs that currently live at my house. There are ten. Yes, ten.

Most days it doesn’t seem like ten because they’re so well behaved, but it’s still TEN.

Left to right: Kasey, Mattie, Suzie, Ziggy, Birdie, Jules, Auggie, Oliver, Stevie, and Jack. And of course, that’s RM#1.

Randomness.

Hi Readers.

Now that I have a new laptop, there shouldn’t be any excuses for not blogging. So, let’s play catch up…

Roomies came back from Cabo. Look what they caught?

Spent last Sunday at the Natural History Museum in LA. Was a really great place. I learned a lot, which is great because it would seem silly to go there and NOT learn. :-/

This skinny bike was SO hard to ride. But they both tried..

Sis played with antlers, while I tried to escape the Polar Bear…

One of our trainers is headed out to Hawaii to start scouting for an upcoming movie. Guess what that means? That means I get to housesit. Being one block from work is so great. Yay for sleeping in longer. And yay for no 45 minute drive to work.

 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

TGIF

Happy Friday, y'all!
Aren't you happy the week is over? I sure am.

Both my roomies left for Cabo this morning, so I've got the house (and the critters), to myself. Oh! And a new house guest.

Nobody knows about this house guest except one person, and I know she certainly ain't talkin'.
He lives about an hour and a half away, but in LA traffic, it takes him a little over two hours. Known him maybe two years now, but it's always been very casual. He came to see me about a year and half ago when I was house sitting for one of our trainers. Was a fun visit. Short, but fun. He loved on a very special Poodle. ;-)
I went and saw him a few months later, where we pigged out on pizza and beer, and I loved on his Boxer pup.

I'm a little nervous to bring him into my home, to allow him to see how I live my every day life, and to bring him into a part of my bubble that has otherwise been shut off from the outside world. I, and only I, will know when the time is right. For now, he's just a house guest. (A cute house guest!)

How about that Kyle Busch? Now that Kansas is behind us, Richmond never looked so good. :-)
Winning the Denny Hamlin Showdown last night seemed like a great way to start off the weekend. Tonight...the Nationwide race. Any takers for KB in Victory Lane? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Enjoy your Friday night. Stay safe. And don't do anything I would.
xo

Do YOU watch Conan?

Both RM#1 and RM#2 were on Conan tonight. Did you see them? Did you see them?

I've never watched one episode. Tonight, while watching, I was laughing so hard, I had tears. I don't know if its because I knew all the trainers standing on stage, or because it was just funny in general, but it was definitely a good laugh.

Haa

Let me introduce...

Hi Y'all. How's the New Year treating you thus far? Any interesting stories I've missed out on?
For nine days, RM#1 and RM#2 were out of state on vacation in December/January, and I was responsible for The Animal House. Five dogs (two of them puppies), two cats (one a kitten), a raven, a hawk, two parakeets, two doves, and a partridge in a pair tree.
It was hard work, I won't lie. There are things you have to follow in order to ensure the safety of the animals, and if you don't, something could go wrong. And I don't want the death of a puppy on my conscience. Very much like taking care of children, only slightly different.
I was glad to see them return. And they even brought me a present. A GREAT present, at that.
Let me introduce you to......

Gretta and Hans.

Congrats are in order

It’s happened. It’s really happened…

 

…RM#2 proposed to RM#1 on Christmas Day!

Congrats to them! Love you.

 

 

(Hope that doesn’t mean I need to move out now.)

Big Change #1

I am moving.

RM#1 and RM#2 bought a house. A 2600 square foot house on five acres. Yay. For. Them.

In less than thirty days, I will pick up everything I own, and move. It’s been over three and a half years since I’ve seen some of the stuff in my room, and yesterday when a friend came by to help go through stuff, I was shocked at some of the stuff I found.

Probation papers, birthday cards from The X, blank divorce forms, life insurance policies The X and I used to have for RJ, favorite photos of JK and I together that I’ve never wanted to throw away, and notebooks full of old thoughts and notes to God I’d jotted down between the ages of twelve and twenty-seven, all laid out before me on my bed and floor.

I felt overwhelmed. I felt as if I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared to move so quickly. I needed more time.

I stood, looking around at the mess I’d created. I looked at my friend, who was smiling at me, took a deep breath with my eyes closed, and sat back down. My troubles were not anywhere near as big as his. And for just a moment, I was grateful for it.

We sifted through stack after stack, drawer after drawer, and it was suddenly easy. I didn’t find trouble in throwing things away. Just a little change in perspective was all I needed.

I’m excited to be moving for a number of reasons.

1. It’s FIVE ACRES. Know what that means? That means no more dogs barking outside my bedroom window every morning. They’ll have their own section of the property. Know what else that means? That means the birds will have their own section of the property too. Maybe an acre each?
2. Some of the neighbors we currently have, are annoying. It’s just the luck of the draw when new people move in around you. Soon we will have NO neighbors. Well, at least not any within five acres.
3. So. Much. More. Room. To. Move. Around.
4. It’s zoned for RM#2 to own a bear, so a bear is what he’ll be getting. Yes, you heard that right. We will be getting a bear cub. (insert the overjoyous smile I’m holding back, here)

There are two downsides to it.

1. It’s an added 25 minutes to my daily commute (one way). Yay for longer times in traffic.
2. I will no longer be just down the street from my bff@work. This makes me very sad. I’ve enjoyed being able to just stop by for a few hours whenever I’ve wanted. Knowing I can just walk in without knocking (so I’ve been told), lets me know I’m not only welcome, but loved. I will miss them most of all.

T-minus 26 days. And counting.

I’m finally home

It’s been over a month, and I’m finally home. Housesitting has come to an end, for now.

Honestly, I was less than thrilled to be coming back home. I mean, come on. Let’s be honest. I had an entire house to myself, only two dogs to take care of that didn’t give me ANY trouble at all, I could leave dishes in the sink overnight if I wanted to, and I had people over at strange hours of the night. It was awesome.

But…when I returned home, RM#1 told me that RM#2 has gone to France for three months to shoot a movie. Yay for him!

So what do two girls do on a Monday night without a guy around? We go to the local bar for drinks and a burger.

Tomorrow night, we’re going to the Sugarland concert.

If you’re not following me on Twitter or Instagram, you should be! Otherwise, you’ll have to wait until I blog about it to hear all the juicy details.

How much trouble can two girls get into at a country concert? Stay tuned… *wink wink*

Where’s John Goodman when you need him?

Tuesday was an exhausting day at work. I came home, prepared to relax and enjoy an evening with Sis and Squid (who were staying the night). That was, however, not what I got.

As I’m walking through the hallway, I hear one of the dogs barking some rapid fire bark. Annoyingly I yell, “Susie! What are you barking at?”, but before I could get the entire sentence out, I yelled out a blood curling scream. I looked back down the hallway, still screaming, as RM#1 looked at me with serious concern. I was pointing towards outside while screaming, so naturally, RM#1 thought something was wrong with one of the dogs. She expected to see a dog with a missing leg, or blood spewing everywhere. I promise she was not prepared for what she was about to see.

As I continued to scream, she ran down the hallway at what seemed like an extremely slow pace, and as she looked out the sliding glass door at what I was screaming at, she let out a scream that could be heard for MILES! This is no exaggeration. Susie continued to bark, as RM#1 pulled all the dogs inside.

Folks, this is what Susie was barking at…

There was a moment of time, where we thought this might have been a Halloween joke someone was playing on us. Then it moved and we screamed even louder. LOUD screams, y’all, I’m not kidding. Two different neighbors came over to see if everything was okay because they heard the screaming. We were sweating from the fear, and had chills from the ewwyness of it. My anxiety level reached a point I hope it never does again. Simply put…I. Was. Scared. She called three different people to come over, all while screaming into the phone at everyone who wouldn’t answer.

Finally, about 15 minutes later, it was bff@work to the rescue. It was safely removed, but not before we all did a bed check.

It’s Prep Time

Remember when I did this post about the baby raven? Then I did this post about 10 days later to show his difference in growth.

Today, it was back. Prepping for a job…

It had to fly in and land on the bench next to RM#1 (she played the talent for prep). First try: Success!

Then it had to stay there for a few seconds - without picking at the strings on RM#1’s shirt OR her hair. First try: Picked at strings AND hair. Second try: Success!

Then he wanted it to fly back to him. First try: Success!

This prep stuff is a breeze. The trust I saw between the two of them, was amazing. A friendship I never thought I’d see. A man and his bird.

Every time it successfully did something, it would get “paid”. Yay for food.

And it’s only SEVEN months old.

Lately.

A few days ago, while I was watching the end credits for Spaceballs, I saw my friends husbands name. I smiled and took a picture.  :-)

RM#1 and I went out drinking last night. (Was that last night? Seems like longer ago. Hm.) On our way home, we decided to stop and get ice cream.  In the parking lot, we see this…

Two cop cars on the far left, and two in the middle. A total of EIGHT police officers pointed their cars towards a white suv. They quickly had the truck up on the flatbed and towed, while the passengers sat in the back of the cop cars. Bummer dude. I hope it wasn’t too bad.

Here is said ice cream…

JK came over after we devoured the ice cream. We hung out for a while before I said, “I want bacon and eggs.” He said, “Wanna go to Denny’s?” “YES!”, I yelled excitedly. And so, at 1:30AM, we drove to Denny’s where I had chicken fried steak, eggs, hash browns, bacon, and toast. It was sooo delish. And totally worth getting up and dressed for. ;-)

RJ and I pigged out on McDonald’s chicken nuggets today…

Then we played the SpongeBob Squarepants version of Ants in the Pants. It was hilarious. There were 14 ants, and you had to flick them into his pants. RJ made 11. I made 3. Fun game. 

Then, we built this…

Right now, it’s 5:15p, and I’m ready to take a nap. Is it wrong of me to go to bed before 10pm on a Saturday?

I missed the Nationwide race today, but I heard Kyle finished 4th. I’m okay with that. There’s always tomorrow, too!

Boxes

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to RM#1 that I could no longer continue to pay to have my stuff in storage. I have made so many cuts over the last year, and this is the last thing I have to draw from. She agreed that I could bring my stuff home and keep it in the garage. Her and I had never had  a conversation about me keeping my stuff here before. I had always just been polite enough to respect her OCD for cleanliness and neatness, that I rented a storage place to keep my mess out of her clean. She was quite shocked I was paying so much for what I actually had in there.

BFF@work helped me moved stuff out of storage last week, and it’s just been sitting messily in our garage ever since. So, here I sit, surrounded by a whole bunch of “stuff” that I’ve accumulated over the years. Stuff that up until now, I’ve been afraid to part with. I don’t know why I’ve been holding onto this stuff for all these years.

As I sort through the boxes, I’m reminded of familiar faces. Faces that remind me that I once had no responsibilities. Nobody to worry about except for me. Nobody to answer to as long as I kept on the straight path. Once I got to the boxes that contained memories of my marriage, I became quickly shocked at how unhappy I look in all the photos. Was my unhappiness obvious to everyone? I suddenly felt sorry for so many things. I was sorry that I married young. I’m sorry for wasting all of The X’s years with me. I was sorry for bringing a child into the world and not providing him with a perfect mother/father/son relationship. I was sorry for forever changing the lives of two young teenage girls. I was sorry for not believing a select few who tried to steer me into other directions as a teen. I’m sorry for not remembering more details to help the police dept. catch that bastard! I can’t honestly say I regret any of that stuff, but I am sorry for it. Sadly, I tucked those photos back into the album they came from and said this stuff just isn’t me anymore. It’s someone I once was. It doesn’t define who I am today. I don’t need all this stuff!! 

And with that, I threw out stuff I no longer needed to hold onto, and I packed up several boxes for Goodwill. I have officially narrowed a two bedroom condo down to a kitchen table w/ six chairs, a wooden rocking chair, and six boxes. And it only took five years. RM#1 is pleased at how little space I take up. The wooden rocking chair has become one of my favorite sitting spots. It’s so awesome. Too bad it has to be in the garage.

One day, I’ll build a home around a grandfather clock and this very wooden rocking chair. Bliss.   :-)

Knowing when to walk away

Sigh.

RM#1 and her boyfriend broke up in December. Christmas Day, to be exact. He moved out in early February, but has been trying to win her back ever since.

They have gone out a handful of times since their breakup. Most times the night ends early after an argument, but sometimes they have a pleasant time. He has been led to believe that if he continues to “improve” (her words, not mine), they would get back together. If only things were that simple.

A few weeks ago, he called her dad to get his permission to ask for her hand. Aww. I actually felt a bit of happiness for them when I heard that. Unfortunately, her dad didn’t think it was a good idea. I honestly can’t say I disagree.

Saturday night, they went out for what he says is their “final” date. He needed closure. Whatever. They drove for two hours, had dinner, went for a 45 minute romantic boat ride, she saw a message floating in a bottle with the proposal written inside, and she turned him down.

To say the 45 minute boat ride back, and the two hour car ride home was pleasant, would be a lie. Not one word was spoken the entire time. Not one.

Today, he’s here trying to “talk her into it”.

Oh how I wish some people knew when to walk away. Oh how I wish I had some other place to be that didn’t involve heavy marriage/relationship talk.

Happy 4th!

Blah, blah, blah

Just a hodgepodge of things…

• We have trainers prepping at a pool with a few dogs for EIGHT days, and I wish I was swimming with them. With this 95*+ heat, I’m looking for a pool to jump into. Running through my sprinklers proves to be more of a muddy thing.
• The Rowdy 251 Super Late Model race in Michigan yesterday, was won by Kyle Busch, for the second year in a row. Yay!! So proud of him.
• Got a call from T yesterday saying, “Hey! Did you just win tickets on the radio?” Apparently, someone named Valerie from CC (<—my town) won tickets to GoFest. It wasn’t me to my knowledge, however, if I receive tickets in the mail, I’ll make sure to make a big deal about it.  :-)
• I am 32 years old, and I ran my first red light the other day. In my defense, there was another car beside me that did also, however, it was VERY red and oh so deserving of a ticket. Thank goodness big brother wasn’t watching.
• Taking pictures isn’t near as fun with my phone. It doesn’t take great pictures, as with as much as I apparently shake, the pictures are always blurry. I miss real cameras.  :-(
• I have a 10-day out of state vacation coming up. I’m beyond thrilled. Can’t wait. Best part? I didn’t have to pay for the flight.
• RM#1 comes back on Saturday. Being home alone this whole week has been wonderful. So peaceful. Being able to do things on my time instead of someone else’s has been great, but I am looking forward to having her back.
• Tomorrow is Friday, and that means it’s Karaoke night at the local bar. This time I’ll try not to leave without paying my tab. Good thing they like me. That could have been a disaster. :-)

Weekend recap. Blah.

RM#1 has been out of town all weekend. I’ve had the house to myself to do what I want with. THIS is not how I had hoped it would go.

I was awaken Saturday morning at 5:30am by a violent urge to throw up. WTF? For the next 2.5hrs, I laid on my bathroom floor because it was too painful to keep getting up. I forced water down, but my body said no way. we don’t want anything and threw it up. I took Pepto and again my body laughed. I had to cancel my visitation with RJ because it would have been impossible to drive up there. The X said RJ was disappointed, but it wasn’t something I really had any control over. Clearly my body is trying to tell me something, and I really need to listen. Sorry RJ.

For 24 hours straight, I’ve felt like I just want to die. Two different people offered to come over and just sit with me so I wasn’t alone, but I refused. I tried to watch a few movies, but staying concentrated proved very difficult.

Today, I haven’t thrown up yet. (I guess the 80 times yesterday was enough.) My stomach muscles ache. My chest muscles feel like they’re on fire and it’s painful to take deep breaths. I wish I could sleep it off, but with the twitching of my muscles, and the tingling going on inside my body, sleep seems more like an imaginary thing than reality.

Oh how I wish I would feel better by tomorrow. I really dislike having to go to work sick. It’s never pleasant.

Happy Sunday readers!