Thinking about The Ex

In July of 2022, I received a middle of the night text that I never really thought I'd get. When I say to you that I never saw it coming, that would be an understatement.

The morning of July 4th, RJ texted saying something was wrong with his dad and he was taken away in an ambulance. He was freaking out and didn't know what to do. 

After staring at that text for a minute, I didn't really know how to respond. I couldn't help him from three states away, but I could offer words of encouragement and positivity. Then told him to keep me updated as I was going back to sleep. 

The next 12-14 hours were so hard. As updates started to come from the doctors, it was clear that he wasn't going to be walking out of the hospital. And that was a devastating blow to RJ.

On July 6th, at 8:09am, I was notified that The Ex had passed. 

After years and years of fighting, arguing, disagreeing on almost everything, I found myself feeling something I hadn't felt in so long. I was hurting, and I wasn't even married to him anymore. 

I hurt for my son. I hurt because I knew the pain was just beginning. I tried to be so strong for RJ, and after a few conversations with Sis, we decided we were going to drive out to see RJ during this time. 

It was a quick trip. She flew down to LA to meet me, and then we rented a car and drove to Texas. We only stayed for a couple days, but I just needed to hug RJ in person. Virtual hugs and kisses just weren't going to do it this time. He was in too much pain.

Tomorrow would have been his 53rd birthday. 

Miss you.

Things I’d tell her.

It's been 80 days since I've spoken with my sister. It sucks, but it's the way she wants it. She doesn't want to be a part of our life anymore, so I can't tell her things like...

+ I think it's weird, and a little cool, that my favorite NASCAR driver, drives for a man named J. Gibbs, and one of my favorite actors plays a guy on TV named J. Gibbs. Ha!

+ I was assigned to Doni's school, and was able to take pictures of all four girls. And her staff photo too.

+ A lump has been found in my breast, and I’m scared to hear results.

+ Ron Holcomb died.

+ I found a super cute Christmas decoration that is already up in my house, because I can't wait until Christmas. And it might become a permanent fixture in our home.

+ I sometimes go to her Hay Day farm to see how it’s doing. I accidentally bought something from her store one day, so I know she knows I visited it. Oh well.

+ I miss her.

Catching up

Boy, oh boy, oh boy. I have soooo much that I want to write about, but just don’t really know how to go about it. I guess we will do a catchup post today.

+ My vacation was okay. It took me 14 hours to get there. I left on a Monday morning, so didn’t have much traffic. Pretty much the only other people on the road with me were truckers. Every big town I came to, either had already had their rush hour or hadn’t had it yet. On the drive home, I had a lot more traffic. Because of this, I stopped less often than I did going up. By doing that, I was able to keep it at 14 hours. It was great to see family. I spent some time with some distant family that was in town. That was nice.

+ I’ve mentioned before that my family isn’t perfect. We are all a bunch of crazies, and we all know it. Because of this, a fight must happen every time we are together. I call shit like I see it. I’ve said it before, I’ll call you out on your bullshit whether you want to hear it or not. And that, is exactly what I did. To my sister and my mom. I can only hope that one day they figure it out.

+ My mom has turned from a responsible adult, to an irresponsible teenager. She used to hold down a full-time job. She was director of human resources after working her way up from a part time secretary. She raised two daughters and ran our household. Now, she’s retired, dates a man that is a horrible influence on her, drinks alcohol like a fish, doesn’t take care of her diabetes like a responsible person should, and tells anyone that tries to intervene with her decisions, to get out of her life. She’s my mother, and I love her, but at some point, you just have to let them fuck up on their own. Unfortunately, the bad decisions she’s making, will lead to diabetes killing her.

+ My cat missed me so much while I was gone. SS says he was sitting in my seat often, which is something he never does. And, he has slept with me every night since I’ve been home. I love that he loves me.

+ Since the big blowout with my sister and mom, I went through all my social media accounts and deleted so many people. People that might possibly share information with them, that I don’t want them knowing. People that are negative about everything in their lives. People that won’t post anything but political shit. People that are so desperate for any kind of attention, they post half naked pictures of themselves. I mean, if you have to explain that “it’s just a bathing suit”, you’re a fucking slut and I don’t have any interest in following you. It’s an amazing feeling to be free of people that will drag me down. I also deleted the one person that didn’t like the fact that SS and I were getting married. If you can’t be happy for us, bye bye! We won’t even invite you to the wedding if you don’t want. Ha!

+ It’s wonderful to be home. The big giant hugs and kisses I got from SS when I came home, made me the happiest woman in the world. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that I can go away on a week long vacation, and still come back to a loving, and very understanding fiance. He really is the best and I’m extremely grateful for him every single day.

Okay, that’s enough. I’ve got stuff to do around the house. Can’t let this place get out of control. It’ll make me lose sleep.

Bye!

Flashback to the 90’s

When I was in middle school, I was very much into music that wasn’t Country. Can you believe it? There once was a time I didn’t listen to Country? I was into Rap, Hip Hop, and even boy bands. Crazy, I know. My very first concert was Billy Joel, which I attended with my parents and some of their friends. The next concert after that, was Michael Bolton. Then Bruce Springsteen. Again, all with my parents. They weren’t the type to allow me to attend a concert on my own, or even with friends without adult supervision, so bands like Bel Biv Devoe and Naughty By Nature weren’t concerts I was ever going to attend. And I just had to accept that.

As the years went by, I attended dozens of concerts, all in the Country music genre, secretly wishing I could go back in time and see those other bands I enjoyed as a preteen, but as an adult.

Then….a Facebook post came across my feed about a concert that was taking place at The Hollywood Bowl in June. It was three artists I absolutely loved when I was growing up, but knew for sure I’d never see. Although Sis lives in another state, I still sent her the post with four simple words “Wish you were here…”. Within one week, she had a flight booked and tickets ordered. We were actually going to be seeing Boyz II Men, Paula Abdul, and New Kids on the Block. It was a dream come true for a preteen.

I have some video from each of the performers, but because of YouTube’s policy about uploading videos from concerts, I’ll hold off on that for now. But know that we had an amazing time.

Boyz II Men shocked the hell out of us by playing a few Lenny Kravitz songs. Didn’t even know those guys knew how to play instraments. Just assumed they only sang and danced.

We were a little skeptical about which Paula we would get. 90’s hip hop Paula, or 2017’s pill popping/alcoholic Paula. To our surprise, we got 90’s Paula. She was so right-on!

The New Kids on the Block were phenomenal. They sang songs that everyone was familiar with from the late 80’s, and 90’s, along with songs from their new album, which were pretty good. They sound just the same, but they look waaaaay older. I did think it was a little strange of Jordan Knight to be rubbing himself and humping the ground right after they sung Happy Birthday to a 13-year-old girl that was in the front row, but whatever. Apparently her mom knows what’s best for her.

There were way more men at the concert than I expected there to be. I assumed they were there to see Boyz II Men, but they were singing along to all the Paula and NKOTB songs as well. There were a LOT of groups of women. Some of them it seemed as if they were seeing each other for the first time since high school. Some were unneccessarily drunk and ridiculous, but most people were nice and courteous and just there to genuinly have a great time.

Sis and I had a memorable evening. We didn’t have any issues with anything, and I can’t wait until the next time we get to experience something from our past.

She was here for a minute.

My Sister. She was here. For a minute.

Her office was closed for a week during Spring Break, so she decided to drive down to LA and surprise all her friends.

Her 35th birthday was a few weeks ago, and what better way to spend it, than with all her friends for a pool party/bbq.

All the kids played in the pool. RJ and Lil’ SS were even there to help celebrate.

She stayed at my house for most of the time she was in town, which was a total of seven days. After visiting with everyone she had time to see, she headed back home to Oregon, where she’ll be patiently waiting until her next visit in May.

 

Until next time, Little Sis.

Miss you, Sis.

I miss my sister. A lot. Especially right now during this time of year. As friends and coworkers head out of town to spend it with their loved ones, I think about how much I’d love to be spending it in the rainy city just outside of Portland, with her and her hubby. 

But I can’t. And that’s just going to have to be okay. I’m grateful she’s still alive and that we can video chat, text, and IM to make up for it.

Hiking, hiking, and more hiking

Devil’s Punchbowl

When we first got there, we walked around a 1/3-mile circle. It was accidental, but I guess it got us warmed up.

We then walked the 1-mile Loop Trail. That was pretty brutal in itself, because there was a lot of up-and-downs, but we charged through it.

Then, Sis and Squid went home, and SS and I continued up to Devil’s Chair. Which kicked our ass. Once we got up there, we stopped to have a small lunch/picnic under a shady tree. Our legs were hurting so bad, it was really hard to think about turning around and going back the way we came. But after a little bit of sustenance, we trudged back down the mountain and charged through each and every painful step.

When we got back to the car, we wanted to cry. The trek was over and we were done. I was so very proud of us for sticking with it.

We started at 8:20am, and by 12:23p, we were high-fiving at the car.
Success!!

I’m extremely grateful I had such great hiking partners. Couldn’t have done it without them. And even though Sis and Squid did only the first 1-mile, I’m so super proud of them for doing that. It was hard, I know. SUPER hard.

A Day at the Zoo

How many times, as a child, did you go to a zoo? How many times, as an adult, have you gone to the zoo?

Let me tell you something. No matter your age, the zoo is an AWESOME and FUN place to hang out! Especially when the zoo is across the street from the beach!

From the Penguins…..

…to the Elephants….

…and everything in between, each and every animal we saw, made us smile.

What’s your favorite zoo animal? Mine was the elephants. I could stand there all day and watch them do whatever they plan on doing for the day. Even if it’s just eating from a tall tree.

Our original reason for going to the zoo was to take the annual Anniversary photos of Sis and Squid. Every year, it’s somewhere different. This year, was the zoo.

 

After our morning at the zoo, we wandered over to the beach, and did a little toe-dipping. SS and Lil’ SS, climbed down some rock, and headed towards the water. Perfect way to end the day near the beach.

 

How did you spend YOUR weekend? Hopefully it was just as much fun!

 

Friday Letters

It’s Friday. Time to write some letters.

Dear Math Teacher: If you continue to yell at the students that don’t understand the Trigonometry you’re teaching, then you’re going to lose all of us.

Dear Squid: I really enjoy having the electronics class with you. You’re so good at math, so it helps to have that backup just right around the corner.

Dear Lil’ SS: You’ve been a huge ball of fun this summer. One DIY project after another, and we’re getting pretty good at them. The older you get, the more fun we have together. Hope that continues as you get older and veer away from your parental figures.  ;-)

Dear Sis: Get better ASAP! I can’t take good anniversary photos of you guys if you’re sick.

Dear Jeffy: Thank you for the multimeter, and thank you for walking me through my homework today. It’s a little confusing at first, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. And now that you have the Mustang all put back together and running, let’s do lunch!

Dear SS: You’ve been a good sport since I’ve gone back to school. Your support of me has been incredible. Late nights in class make me miss our nightly routine, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. I promise. We have a full weekend of fun planned, and I’m so extremely excited to say I’m spending it with you and Lil’ SS. I can’t wait.

Always make time for fun

While we were out of town for Grandma’s funeral, we decided to take some time and play. Have to always find time to play. Playing is important.

 

The makeshift swing on a tree branch. My favorite kind.

We played with cousins….

…and King, the three-legged German Shepherd….

…I turned a sneaky kiss into a romantic moment….

…and I allowed this beautiful face to melt my mommy heart….

Family. We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.

 

1 year

It’s been an entire year since StepDad died. It still seems unreal. Sometimes I think, “I don’t know the answer to that, but StepDad will. I’ll just ask him.” or “I don’t know how to make that, I’ll just call StepDad.” And then I remember he’s not just a phone call away anymore. :(

Sis, Squid, RJ, SS, and I spent the day in Santa Barbara, having lunch and telling stories to a man that now swims in the ocean. When we released his ashes into that cold water last year, we gave him what he wanted, and it gave us an excuse to come to Santa Barbara whenever we wanted. To visit StepDad.

We drank whiskey, bourbon, and beer, and toasted to a much better place he’s in.

Until next time…

 

What’s Up Wednesday

I’ve been sitting in front of this blank screen for over thirty minutes. I begin to type something out, and then I think I don’t need to write about that, and erase everything, bringing me back to the same blank page. Frustrating.

I guess it’ll just be a What’s up Wednesday, kind of day.

a. It’s been six months since StepDad died, and this past weekend we finally had his memorial. His wish had always been to have his ashes spread out in the water of Santa Barbara, so that’s exactly what we did. He will forever be able to watch the girls in bikinis.
RJ was StepDad’s favorite grandchild, so it was very important that he be present. I hope that spreading his ashes into the water gave RJ some sort of peace with it.

 

b. I love these guys…. (you too, Squid!)

 

c. I’ve started thinking about moving out of state. Just so sick and tired of living in SoCal. The constant traffic everywhere you go, just makes my blood boil. It shouldn’t take 30 minutes to drive 15 miles, but it does. When I need to run down the street to the store, it becomes a 30 minute chore because of all the people/cars/horribly timed traffic lights. I’m just over it all and need a change. I need to move somewhere that isn’t in a constant rush. Somewhere that does things a little slower. I’ve gone so far as to throw a dart at a map to see where I should go. Unfortunately, Texas isn’t anywhere near where I want to end up. So, I’ll keep looking.

 

d. The new 2015 NASCAR schedule came out yesterday. Doesn’t really affect me much. The California Fontana race hasn’t changed, and since I watch all the rest on TV, I’m good with the schedule. Since we’re talking about NASCAR, let’s give a little credit to how well Jeff Gordon is doing. Great to see him back in Victory Lane. Again. (Better than Jimmie Johnson!) And hopefully Tony Stewart will be back to racing for the 2015 race season. (fingers crossed.)

 

e. SS and I went to our first wedding together. It was so much fun. His cousin got married at the top of a beautiful cliff that overlooked the entire Los Angeles valley. They spent a pretty penny on it, and it was nothing short of amazing. So glad I could be a part of it.

 

f. I jumped on the Ice Bucket Challenge bandwagon and did it! There’s video evidence. Don’t feel like putting it on YouTube just so that people can see it on here, but it’s on my Instagram feed if you want to check it out. The water was cold, so pardon my reaction.

 

Happy Wednesday!

Friday Letters

It’s Friday. Time to write some letters…

Dear NASCAR Illustrated : Thank you for the surprise hat. It may have been written somewhere that I would receive this in the mail, but I don’t remember reading it. Which makes for a great surprise when opening up my mailbox. I think I like SS’s hat better though.

Dear Sis & Squid : You both have lost weight over the last month. Yaaaay! I’m so happy for you. Keep up the good work. T-minus 52 days till the Magic Mountain 5K.

Dear RJ : I miss you! Come hang out.

Dear Neighbors : SS had to come over and have a chat with you about always blocking our garage. Thank you for listening. It’s so much nicer to get home from work and not have to wait 10 minutes for someone to move their car out of my way.

Dear Crunches : You suck. By the end of the month, I’m supposed to be able to do 200. I’ve gotten to 120. Ten more days. Time to get movin’.

Dear SS : I’m happy that you’re enjoying your new job. Keep up the hard work and it’ll pay off. I promise. ;-)

Stagecoach 2014

Hi Y’all. I’ve been away for a while. Southern California’s biggest country music festival, became the setting of the past weekend, so I finally have something to write about. Yay for fun getaways. Here’s the crowd from the main stage…

Friday: three stages of lineups. we saw everyone on the Mane stage, and a few on the other two smaller stages (all three days). Lynyrd Skynyrd was PAAAAAAAAAACKED! Busting at the seams. We couldn’t see well enough from where we were standing, so we didn’t stay. I didn’t want to miss Easton Corbin and Brantly Gilbert. And I’m so glad I didn’t. They were amazing. And if you ever hear anyone say that Eric Church is fabulous in concert, believe them. He’s nothing short of fantastic. By far, and a unanimous vote by all four members of our party, the best show of the weekend.

The gates opened at noon, so we got there early enough to get the closest seats in the general seating area. And we did real good!

 

Saturday: yes. I saw Don McLean. And at 68 years old, he’s still bringing the house down. In fact, at one point, he had SS in tears. Such a fantastic singer. Stepdad was a HUGE Don McLean fan, so it only seemed fitting that I see him. Dan & Shay are an up and coming band with one huge hit on country radio. They were great. Put on a heck of a show. They’ve got some great talent and will do fine in the future. Tyler Farr, Jennifer Nettles, Hunter Hayes, and Jason Aldean = G.R.E.A.T. Hunter Hayes can play just about every instrument, and has more energy than anyone I currently interact with on a daily basis. I don’t remember having that kind of energy at 22. Wow.

Here’s Don McLean…..

 

Sunday: If you ever get a chance to see Lee Brice, Florida Georgia Line, or Luke Bryan in concert, do it. Don’t pass it up. Trust me. I’m not a huge FGL fan, but they completely took over when they got on stage and put on a show that was over the top. And I loved every second of it.

This big festival weekend was the present SS gave me for my birthday back in November. So, thank you SS for one of the greatest weekend ever. I’m exhausted, and it’s taken me two whole days to recover, but it was worth every second.

Oh, and thanks for the Eric Church shirt… I’m sure to piss off a few people while wearing it.

 

 

Did you go to Stagecoach this year and write about it? Comment with the link and I’ll check it out.