Working at and keeping a relationship satisfactory has never been something I’ve been particularly good at. All my exes can attest to that. My mind tends to wander into places it shouldn’t, and before long, I’m laying on the couch crying to RM#1 because I feel smothered by all my thoughts.
I’ve wrestled lately with the idea of moving. As much as I absolutely love RM#1 and RM#2, I kind of feel it’s time to move forward with life. Perhaps with SS. Unfortunately, that’s when my mind freezes on the subject, and won’t start back up again. The fear of moving in with someone isn’t as irrational as I’d like to think it is. Lots of people have fears about moving forward in relationships. Especially after only having dated for a few short months.
My hermit and antisocial behavior tends to keep me locked up and away from people, so the thought of allowing someone else to invade my space, scares me. I’m afraid I’ll dissolve into the relationship. First, I’ll give up my place. Then, I’ll start giving up my taste. Compromising on furniture, clothes, where we eat. Then, one day, I’m just an appendage to someone else. No thoughts and no life of my own. I don’t want that. I want to continue to be my own person, not the ‘other half’ of someone else.
Maybe I just need to step back and take a break. Look at the big picture from a distance. That can’t be unhealthy, right?