Friday, June 14, 2013

And this is why

I did it. It’s done. Over with. Never have to see him again. <sigh>

Last night, Jeffy stopped by to pick up the stuff I had of his. It was a quick visit. Less than five minutes. Five minutes I wish I wasn’t there for.

I had been sitting out on the front porch, hanging out with the dogs. Wasn’t too hot out, so I let them run around the front for a while. The backyard gets boring to them, I’m sure. Different smells in the front keep them busy for hours.

I got up to do something in the bedroom, and I could hear his car pull up. Of course, on the ONE time I didn’t want to see him, he drove the ‘stang. Fucking figures.

He was already headed back to his car when I got back out front. Why I didn’t just leave it alone, I’ll never know. Why I had to go out there and say hi, I’ll never know. But I did.

He looked the same. And that made me smile. He smiled back, and I instantly felt my knees getting week. Something about that smile of his. I knew the best thing to do was wave goodbye and walk back into the house, but that’s not what I did. Nope. Val never takes the easy route. Instead, I stood there, listening to him tell me about places he had been and was headed to for work, and about cars he had been playing with. I felt a feeling of happiness for him. Happy to see him so thrilled and excited about work. After watching him suffer through the school district and then the dental lab, he deserves this happiness. And although I’m not there to reap the benefits, I’m happy that I watched him transform into a successful person.

He fired up the car, and I got chills. There’s just something about that car that has always turned me on. And I think he knows that.

As he drove away, I stood there listening to the sound of American Muscle fade into the wind, wishing he’d turn around and profess his love for me. I cried. Right there on the front porch. Knowing I wouldn’t ever see him again, tugged at my heart harder than I figured it would.

I fucking miss him. Yep. I sure do.

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