Saturday, November 26, 2011

No Title. Cause I suck at making them.

Laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep, my phone chimed. Did I really want to move from this most comfortable spot to answer it? I did, and then wished I hadn’t. Once I saw who it was from, I decided it better for me NOT to read it. It was going to cause me to react, whether good or bad, and the cuddly 11-year old next to me did not need to be privy to any reaction I might have had. I put the phone down, and closed my eyes.

After several minutes of heart pounding anxiety, curiosity, and fear that I might never get to sleep, or worse yet, fear I was going to have uncomfortable dreams about what the contents of the email might actually say, I picked up my phone, walked out of the room so my reaction was kept to myself, and read it. Again I say to you, I wish I hadn’t. Insert another lesson learned here. And I wish these lessons would stop coming with such heartache. Geez. Give a girl a break.

It was my first happy birthday of the day, and it had come from the most unsuspecting of people. It was only four sentences long, but those four sentences made me go from smile to tear.

I sat quietly in the darkness of the living room, while silently sobbing to myself. One of the cats walked up, did an amazing leg rub, and made me wish I could pick it up and cuddle with it. My insane cat allergies convince me otherwise.

I continued to sit there and cry, to myself, with visions and memories flashing through the room as if I was watching my life's movie on the big screen. It made me cry harder. Before I knew it, it was 2am. I had to force myself to stop crying. I wiped the tears, walked back into the bedroom, and climbed into bed. I had to force myself to go to sleep. But not before letting go of one last tear.

And as that lone tear rolled down my cheek, I smiled at the only guy who wanted to be with me on my birthday.


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