Thursday, March 10, 2011

No title…cause I’m just not good at thinking of something

The whirlwind of emotions I’ve been feeling the last few days are much less frightening than I had expected them to be. Maybe because I’m learning to deal with them better, or maybe because they’re just not that big of a deal anymore. Maybe it’s because of something completely different that I don’t know about yet.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I was hungry. I said to RM#1, I wish I could sit and have breakfast at my own leisure today, and went about getting ready because I knew it wasn’t an option. I continued to think about food, and when I think about food, I think about JK. Eating was one of my favorite things to do with him.

I gathered up every single ounce of courage I could find laying around my house, and sent him a text. Interested in meeting for dinner? I knew a response that early in the morning wasn’t going to come, so I threw my phone aside and went about my day. Around 5:30p, BFF@work and I were chatting about food, and I immediately started thinking of JK. I grabbed my phone to see if there was a response from him yet, but no. Nothing. Was I being completely ridiculous for even attempting to communicate with someone who clearly wanted nothing to do with me? Checking my phone for text messages was NOT how I wanted my evening to go.

I left work about 6:30p and by the time I got to the end of the road, I had a response from JK. Woooooooooooo hooooooo! He doesn’t hate my guts!!

Dinner was pleasant. Conversation was nice. I didn’t say a whole lot, but I listened to every word as if I was hypnotized. When you’re sitting face to face with someone you’re possibly still in love with, and the only thing you can think about is how much you wish he would come back to your place and “play” with you, it’s hard to keep a straight face. I giggled often. I smiled a lot. I was happy. And for just two hours, I had my cloud back.

Breakups are hard, and sometimes it’s even harder to see the person afterwards. I’m grateful that JK doesn’t hate me.

He doesn’t read this blog, but on the off chance he does stumble across it one day…   thank you for dinner, JK.

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