Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Change

“We cannot become what we want, by remaining what we are.” 
-Max De Pree

Change is scary. For me it is. The fear of not knowing what’s going to happen next is real, y’all. And I haven’t been able to hide from it no matter what I do or try.

It’s been one week since I walked away from The Ranch. The place I’ve called my second home for eight years, has now become a place in my past.  Boss #2 wasn’t willing to accommodate my school schedule any longer, and since school is something I’ve made a priority in my life today, I wasn’t willing to quit just to satisfy her selfishness. My future is important to me and only me, so I needed to act as such.

For over a year, the unhappiness of being there was beginning to show. I would dread pulling up in the morning, and would be more than willing to leave early every chance I got. The stupidity of the people I dealt with on a daily basis, just got to be more than I was willing to handle. Not to mention the yelling I would have to put up with from irritated agency producers. I became bitter watching the trainers go out on jobs making $50+ an hour, while I sat in the office getting yelled at, lying to people over the phone about why Boss #2 couldn’t talk to them, and, and, and for 1/3 of that.

“If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be scared.” 
–Unknown

I have finally come to the conclusion that perhaps a change was better for everyone. I’ve had a few people tell me that better opportunities are out there for me, but believe me when I say it will, without a doubt, be an uphill struggle to get through it. I’m scared. I’m unsure. And I’m doing it alone (despite the number of loved ones around me). I’m headed into unknown territory, but am determined to not fail. School is a year and nine months of my life. I can do this.

I. Can. Do. This.

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