Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I didn’t change, my priorities did

Marriage:
any of the diverse forms of interpersonal union established in various parts of the world to form a familial bond that is recognized legally, religiously, or socially, granting the participating partners mutual conjugal rights and responsibilities.

Marriage. Something that has scared the crap out of me from the moment I realized my last one was over.

I wasn’t the perfect wife. In fact, I was the exact opposite. I didn’t take care of our house. It was often a mess of papers and overflowing trashcans. I didn’t cook. We ate out a lot or The X would make some sort of meat and noodle mixture he thought would save us from starvation. It did. A few times.

When my marriage ended, I knew for sure it wasn’t something I was going to do again. I wasn’t any good at it, and didn’t really feel like putting any effort into fixing it. When I met Jeffy and found out we could never get married because I wasn’t Jewish, I still didn’t worry about it. Put it all on the back burner, and continued living life as I always have.

Then I met my former RM#1. She was amazing. She cleaned the house every single day. She cooked dinner every single day. Things were always so perfect in her life because she put the effort into making them perfect. And I can say all this with certainty, because I was there to see it. Every day.

Congrats on RM#1’s wedding, by the way. They just got married in Africa. Perfect for them.

When I moved in with SS last month, I made a promise to myself not to be that same horrible wife I was to The X. I made a promise that I would make a conscious effort to be perfect. And it shows. SS and I are nowhere near ready to even begin talking about marriage, but it is nice to know that option is on the table now. All because I gave up that stupid bad girl attitude and realized my future would be grim if I didn’t get shit figured out. And he’s totally worth it. Especially when I come into the living room and see this….

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