Dear Papa

You died on a Monday.

9pm the night before, my beautiful wall clock began to chime. I looked over at it and instead of my usual satisfying look, I had a look of despair. Or maybe it was grief. I don’t know. Less than five minutes later, my phone rang.

By the tone in her voice, I knew something was wrong. Ultimately, Cancer kicked your ass. I even warned you not to give up!! I’m angry that you were lying to people about what was actually happening to you. I’m angry that you didn’t allow the people around you to help. Until it was too late.

There were a few last minutes things first thing Monday morning that Sis and I had to do, but were on the road by 12:15p. It was 12:20p, and Sis and I had just gotten on the freeway to start our 14.5hr drive to see you when we got the call you had passed. We weren’t happy by any means about the reason we were going up, but we were determined to make the best of our road trip. Unfortunately, that changed all of it.

The moment you hear THOSE words come out of someone’s mouth, it changes you. It changes everything about what you’re doing in that moment. Although I had come to terms with the fact that those words were coming, I kind of had hoped in the back of my mind, that you’d wait until we got there. I knew it wasn’t likely, but I still hoped.

RJ is pretty upset. The X says he cries a lot. I can’t blame him. I cry a lot too. Especially when I run across photos like this one where you’re teaching Ryan how to make garlic bread. I hope he never forgets how to make that.

I have so many questions I want to ask you. So many things that don’t make sense about the stories I’ve been hearing. I just wish I could talk to you one more time. Just once. I’d even listen to you tell me the story about those damn raccoons again.

I love you. All those times as a kid when I said I hated you, I was lying. I was too ashamed at those early ages to admit that I loved you more than I loved my own dad. I was made to feel guilty about caring for you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see that until I was older. You were the male rock in my life. You taught me so much about life, and I can’t even begin to tell you how many of the things I do every single day, are fashioned after what you taught me. And every time someone leaves a light on in a room that isn’t occupied, I’ll continue to cuss under my breath in your honor.

 

Love, bones

Stargazing

“I don’t want someone who promises me the moon and the stars. I want someone who promises to lay on the grass and watch them with me.”

Ever since I moved, I’ve found myself really missing the dark starry skies. Now that I live in the city, it’s just not the same. Bright lights now fill my sky.

I guess that just means we’ll need to step a little out of town on date night to see some of my old favorites.

 

Until next time….

 

Everything is Awesome!

And I guess that’s why things are so great right now. Construction Guy Emmet would say, “Everything is Awesome!” and so would I.

“Everything is Awesome!”

Stagecoach 2014

Every year, there’s a very large three day concert that takes place in SoCal. It’s three days of non-stop drinking, partying, and loud music. Check out this lineup…..

Today, I finally received our wristbands. It’s official. We’re going….

See ya there!

Finally.

It’s officially NASCAR season. Finally! Even though the offseason is relatively short, it still seems like a reeeeeeally long time before Speedweeks and Daytona come back around. Too long for some of us that don’t give a damn about watching Football.

Some exciting changes come with a new season. They’ve changed the point system AGAIN. I wonder if they’ll ever get it where they want it to be. And of course, with every new season comes new driver numbers, new team members, and new tricks. And I’m real happy to see Smoke back. It just wasn’t the same without his strange sense of humor and attitude on the track.

This year, a new kind of game is being played during Speedweeks.

While Jimmie Johnson was giving an interview, Dale Jr. came up and stole his running shoes. So, in turn, Jimmie came back and stole the Madden XBox game Dale had in his bus.

In good fun, Dale snuck up and stole Jimmie’s bbq grill.

So guess what Jimmie took? Anyone lose a pair of gloves?

 

Kyle Busch lost a Super Bowl bet to Kasey Kahne, so KB has to wear a Seattle Seahawks jersey the entire week of Speedweeks. And he’s a pretty good sport about it. Off to Daytona!

I would love to say I’ll be watching the race in High Definition with a booming sound system that makes me feel like I’m sitting front row at Daytona. But the reality is, I won’t.

Counting my blessings

 “Life is what you make of it.”

Boy, this statement sure is true. One year ago today, I was desperately trying to hold onto a relationship that was clearly doomed. I was sad, scared, and lonely all at the same time. I feared every day when I woke up, that THAT would be the day it would all end. And then it did.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

I allowed myself some ME time. I gathered my thoughts. I spent time with people that didn’t bring me down. And someone amazing showed me that it’s okay to be vulnerable in a relationship. It’s the trust that allows the vulnerability to not be so scary. And eventually go away.

“Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.”

Yes! For yeeeeeears, my M.O. was overreaction. Pretty much all my life, people would be either afraid or apprehensive about giving me relatively negative, if not bad, news. It’s a cross I bore way longer than I care to admit, but I finally shed it. And moved on. A little realization and a WHOLE LOT of therapy, helped me immensely.

“While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.”

I’m thankful every single day, that I found someone as imperfect and amazing as SS. He compliments my way of life with his silliness. And I wouldn’t trade him in for a different model.

From old to new

Look at this sad table….

This is what our kitchen table looked like when we pulled it out of storage last week. It’s definitely seen better days. SS kept saying he could bring it back to life, but I was skeptical.

Today, SS took it over to his dads and spent all morning sanding and restaining.

 

And this is what it looks like now….

Let me tell you. I honestly thought this table was doomed. It had so many scratches and dings in it, that I just can’t believe it’s the same table.

Once again, SS comes through. Gosh I love him.  ;-)

Our New Home

 

And we love it.  :-)

Operation Move: Complete

It was a long, long day, but with the help of some really awesome people, we got it finished. Some things went up just one flight of stairs. Some, went upstairs into the bedrooms, so two flights of stairs were required. I.Hated.Carrying.Heavy.Stuff.Up.Two.Flights.Of.Stairs. Especially when the stairs have a sharp right turn. Fuuuuuuuun.

I’m excited and exhausted. We’ve been unpacking boxes for four days. I’ve run across things I had forgotten I owned. Things that took me back to another life I had with a husband and three children. Things that made me cry. Things that made me laugh. And at every turn of each page, SS was there to laugh and wipe away tears. He’s more awesome than I deserve. Just sayin’.

Watching him get excited as he opens a box from his past, was fun. Especially when he pulled out an entire binder full of these….

Remember these damn things? I had a few as a kid, but only because they came in a cereal box and I refused to throw them away.

Then he went and bought himself a new 46” television. It’s his baby. I’ve heard him say a number of times, “My tv is getting dusty.” I guess that’s my cue.  ;-)

Yes, yes. The tv is tentatively set up on a little side table. We haven’t bought couches, a coffee table, or a tv stand yet, but it’s in the works. We’re still looking and not willing to settle for something we don’t LOVE.

He bought me all new kitchen dishes, flatware, appliances, and more. I’m telling you, he’s too good to me.

I refuse to hang anything on the walls until all the furniture is set in place. I’m not about to make holes in the walls without knowing the stuff is going to stay there. Me and holey walls do not mix. Tacky.

However, I did go ahead and hang my favorite clock. She’s beautifully hung in my dining room where I can hear her from all areas of the house. Now, it finally feels like home. And I love it.

Operation Move: Complete