I thought for days and days about saying goodbye. I heard him tell me about so and so coming by, and how maybe their seeing her is what she needed to peacefully pass. I'd listen to him ramble off names of people he figured it must be, all the while secretly trying to figure out what I would say if I went upstairs myself. Afraid of what might happen. I mean, if there ever was a time for her to suddenly sit up in bed, THIS would have been it.
I knew where I stood with this woman. I knew exactly. Her and I had conversations about things nobody knew we had. All because I wasn't afraid to ask about them. Emails that go back over a year or mores time, explaining. Although I was "just the coworker of her husband", she knew much more. And there wasn't one person I could share that with. Not even myself.
After getting my thoughts together, and three days later, I finally made the decision to go upstairs. As soon as I walked in, I knew that my prepared thoughts, were NOT what I needed to say. I held her hand, and said something completely different.
I was the last visitor she had.
He was relieved. Saddened, yes, but relieved that it was finally over. He held her as she took her last breath. It was the perfect scene of a romantic love story movie we've all seen a hundred times. From being high school sweethearts to having three children, they did it all together. With hiccups in the road, they both fought for each other. It was actual LOVE that carried their family around. It flowed through their house with ease. Something I'm not familiar with and still struggle with today.
Today we gather. To celebrate the things we remember about her, no matter happy or sad. People from all parts of their life, will come to pay respects.
My heart goes out to two boys who will no longer come home from work and share stories of their day with their mother. And to the daughter that will forever try to be, just like her mother. And to my bff@work, your strength throughout this has been amazing. You've shown me what family is supposed to be about. You have forever taught me something important.