You know that one
wild sex partner friend everyone has that you can call up any hour of the day or night for a little... sex fun, and they'll come running?
Well, I called mine off yesterday. :-( It wasn't easy, and I'd given it waaaay more thought than I probably should have, but it's done. And although I was laughed at, I did it anyway. And my therapist actually gave me a high five. I guess she doesn't hate me anymore. When a person of influence sees progress in their student, it gives a sense of satisfaction. And she was GLOWING with satisfaction. Finally! Something she was trying to teach me, was sinking in.
The all night lectures I'd give myself saying he'll talk to you less if you do it and i can't exchange my fabulous sex talents for free car work anymore if i do it or i'll have to sit in restaurants by myself now, suddenly didn't matter anymore. I was done lecturing myself. I was ready to move on. I wanted more than he was willing to give.
Of course I'll miss him. That's a big fat DUH! But it isn't worth the heartache I get every time he leaves. The fear of eventually he'll stop wanting me was something I couldn't handle anymore. I didn't like wondering if I'd see him again. I wanted reassurance I would, and he couldn't provide that. And won't. And that is MY unfortunate luck.
I don't hold it against him. It's just the way it is. I cannot condemn him for his way of thinking. I'm not like that. But..........I will surely miss him and his fabulous
moves self, A LOT!