I Need A Change

I’m struggling. I'm really struggling.

I don’t want to appear weak. I can’t appear weak. I live with a man that thrives on being strong and facing things head on. That isn’t me. I’m the kind that hunkers down on the couch, under a blanket, with the tv blaring so I can’t hear my own thoughts.

I’ve come to a point in my life where I feel like I need a change. I need a change of scenery, a change of location, a change of mind and space, and a change of self. I’m tired of living life in a rush. I want to slow down and enjoy the town in which I live.

Right now, I don’t enjoy much about living here anymore. I’ve lived in this town for 33 years, and I’ve watched it change from a small town to an overrun corporate city. Big corporations and businesses on almost every corner have pushed out the Mom & Pop small businesses we used to know so well. I miss small businesses. I miss small towns.

One Sunday, a few months ago, at five o’clock in the MORNING, a car had it’s radio blaring mediocre 90’s music, and it woke me up. At first, I tossed and turned, and huffed and puffed, and threw blankets around to show my irritation, but that quickly turned to anger when it continued after thirty minutes. I finally got so annoyed that I got dressed and went downstairs to confront them. I told them it was f’ing rude to be blaring music at FIVE A.M. waking people up. I wasn’t nice. And I’m not sorry.

A few days later, I finally made a statement to my next door neighbors about their dog. It is a small, yappy dog that has no training. It just barks ALLLLLLLLL DAAAAAAAAAAY LOOOOOOOOOOOONG. All day. Every day. And they don’t care.
I wrote a note and stuck it on their door telling them to shut up their dog, but that didn’t seem to help much. It hasn’t stopped.

Have I become that neighbor? The one that complains about everything?
Maybe it’s just a clear indication that I really do need a change.