Friday, July 24, 2020

Self-Discovery: Day 5

What is the biggest compliment you have ever received? 

For years, and years, I listened to and watched my ex husband tell me I wasn't good enough to be a mom to RJ. I tried to fight that, but it just brought on more reasons I shouldn't.

When I met SS, my life changed. I went from a single person paying little rent, and barely eating anything, to a two-bedroom apartment and, at times, four people to feed. Decisions I now made, affected not only me, but SS and his daughter (when she was there). 

Once the ex saw how much my life was changing, and how wonderful things were going for us, he started allowing RJ to come over more and more and for longer visits at a time. It appeared as if his walls were coming down, and he was beginning to see I wasn't the monster he had portrayed me all this time. He himself was moving on with life, and he really did need some time away from RJ. I get it. 

Then came the phone call I had been waiting for since RJ was six years old. He told me how proud he was of how I've changed and wondered if I was in a place where I could take RJ full time. I wasn't, but what parent ever IS ready to take on an adult child full time? He needed a lot of guidance and help and needed to be pushed. Was I really the right person for this? I had to be. I was his mother. 

I got him enrolled in high school so that he could finish. I attended school meetings and made bus arrangements so he could get there and back. Some very early mornings resulted in very tired evenings. I helped him with homework when school shut down, and pushed him to get it finished. And he did. He finished high school. We are still waiting for that diploma to come in the mail, but eventually it will. 

Then another call from the ex gave me full clarity. I was the mother he needed me to be all along. I helped my son do something he wasn't able to do with the ex. And now I'm the hero. 

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