Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Losing someone you love

Losing someone you love is never easy. Whether it be by death, the loss of communication, moving away, or the simpleness of growing apart, the struggle one sometimes endures when having to deal with it face to face, can be difficult. For me, it will be.

Fear not, nobody has died.

I'm not good at dealing with the loss of someone close to me. Abandonment issues from childhood bring upon me fears I would rather not face, but as I grow up, I would like to think I am a little less judgmental on such things as divorce. When a marriage has run it's course, and both parties have tried everything they can, I do not hold it against either to peacefully walk away. I went through the horrible divorce of my mother and father at the age of seven. Now, 25 years later, I promise it hasn't gotten any easier.

As I watch my mother walk away from her second marriage and not look back, I’m left with lots of questions. Most importantly, “Why?”. The man I didn’t like for so many years, is now the person I’m trying to defend.

At the age of seven, you don’t understand everything. I heard a lot of things from my parents that I shouldn’t have, and I had specific hates for each of them for what they’d say. Today, it isn’t hate I feel, but sadness, because as an adult, I’m learning that even the best of relationships just sometimes don’t work. It makes me fear that no matter how hard I try at my own relationships, sometimes there’s just no saving them.

If I never get to see him again, I will forever miss the man who raised me as his own daughter. The man who taught me to turn the light off when I leave a room. (Something many people I encounter every day can’t seem to figure out.) The man who has taken on the responsibility of grandpa, to a child who isn’t his blood, yet is so much like him. I love you, Frank.

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